Let's Mail R. Kelly Condoms...Lots of Them

R. Kelly seems to have misunderstood all of the parodies of "Trapped in the Closet."

Note to R. Kelly: Parody is different than imitation and is not a form of flattery. Either that, or he his some kind of crazy smart business man that has decided that creating songs that seem like parodies of bad R&B, will make him the king of R&B. That is really the only reason I can think of someone making this:



To quote:

Girl you make me wanna get you pregnant,
That’s what I told her,
Girl you make me wanna get you pregnant,
Lay your body down and get you pregnant,
Like you are,
Knock you up, pregnant,

Oh and this lovely sentiment:

Shes more than a mistress enough to handle my business,
Now put that girl in my kitchen,

On top of that lyrical genius, the music is genuinely awful and contrived, which is another reason why I hope this is self-parody. Otherwise, he is (along with Tyrese) singing the praises of unprotected sex, deadbeat fatherhood, and an extreme insecurity in his own masculinity which requires a legacy of genetic proof. For the future of R&B I hope that is not the case.

Which is why I give you as a unicorn chaser the best in R&B and general awesomeness:



Whew! That's better. Thanks, Mary.

Via my husband, via Buddyhead.