The Breeders: The Hunger Games Might Not Be the Best Date for New Parents

I was more surprised than anyone that I actually didn't hate the movie adaptation of The Hunger Games. I'm a pretty harsh movie critic, especially when it comes to movies based on beloved books. 

The only problem is that I'm a new parent and it is a movie about kids getting slaughtered. Read about my emotionally exhausting movie watching over on the Patch.

Hit Girl Kicks Ass

I went and saw Hit Girl Kick-Ass this weekend and figured any sort of review I wanted to do would be a long time coming because there is a lot to unpack, and well, I am actually unpacking since I also moved this weekend. Lucky for me, I don't have to because Kate Harding just said everything I would have said, only better:

I really like the fact that Hit Girl makes some people who are usually comfortable watching SBUAALOPD [Shit Blows Up And A Lot of People Die] films incredibly uncomfortable. Because if you get past the sputtery “It’s a little girl! How could you?” response — which, granted, most people probably won’t — then it’s the kind of discomfort that leads to important questions about what we’ll tolerate watching, and why. I like that I walked out of there with a gut reaction of “That was awesome!” immediately followed by an intellectual reaction of, “Damn, it’s fucked up that I thought that was awesome.” That tells me I just saw something new, if nothing else. And on further reflection, the new thing for me was not a violent, remorseless, brutalized, potty-mouthed child but a female action hero with all the agency and skill of a man, whom the audience is not supposed to want to fuck. That is a pretty awesome thing, even if it is also frankly pretty fucked up that I thought that movie was awesome.

Sorry, that was the conclusion, but it a really good one and so is the rest of the review so go read the whole thing.

Your Friday Awesome: How to Win an Oscar

Or, you know you can just stick it to your ex-husband, twice.

via Mother Jones.

Unobtainium is Real?

Only, in this case its called diamonds.

Evidently there may be diamond lakes with diamond icebergs on Neptune and Uranus. Cue the jerk-off contractors now.

image via flickr user swamibu

Quote of the Day - Roger Ebert

Who knew? Roger Ebert: feminist?

"The Lovely Bones" is a deplorable film with this message: If you're a 14-year-old girl who has been brutally raped and murdered by a serial killer, you have a lot to look forward to. You can get together in heaven with the other teenage victims of the same killer, and gaze down in benevolence upon your family members as they mourn you and realize what a wonderful person you were. Sure, you miss your friends, but your fellow fatalities come dancing to greet you in a meadow of wildflowers, and how cool is that?

The rest of the review is just as lethal and funny. I haven't read the book or seen the movie, but thanks to him I can check them both of my to-do list.

Avatar: Dances with Blackwater in Space

First things first: You are telling me that James Cameron had 12 years to make a movie and the best he could come up with is unobtainium?

Really, twelve years? T-W-E-L-V-E years?!? And that is the best you can come up with? Jimmy, its time to hire yourself one less coder and one more screenwriter, or just some kid of the street, cause really...unobtainium? You're telling me that who ever made their way to Pandora and found this ore of awesomeness decided, "Um...screw naming it after me, this crap was frickin' hard to find!"

Oh wait! Turns out he's been wanting to make the movie for fifteen years.

Once again...James Cameron had FIFTEEN YEARS TO PRODUCE THE MOST EXPENSIVE MOVIE EVER MADE and all he could come up with is unobtainium? Holy hell. Also, um, what exactly are we mining it for again? Oh that's right, we never find out, because twelvefifteen years and nobody came up with a reason as to why we need it, other than its hell of expensive, yo. And probably unobtanium = oil.

Okay, sure, the movie was very pretty. Though it did seem like he saw the Disney Electrical Parade one too many times and decided to make the new planet and all of its inhabitants entirely out of fiberoptic wire. But, I have to give the man credit for paying enough people long enough so that they could finally figure out how to make CGI mouths non creepy.

But, those braided head tails? Totally creepy. They totally would NOT have been creepy without the "if you play with it you'll go blind" comment. But, since Sigourney Weaver made the comment (in all of her character's second-wave feminist awesome glory) they were totally creepy throughout the entire movie. Way to go. Now we all get to look forward to people weaving their wigs together at Comic-Con.

Oh, and what I was afraid of happening is happening. I didn't just see Avatar . I saw Avatar: An IMAX 3D Experience. I shit you not. The experience began with a slough of previews for movies in IMAX 3D. Until Jimmy made giant blue space cats, the only IMAX 3D movies I'd seen were ones having to do with creatures of the deep and the Grand Canyon. The only exceptions of course, were V for Vendetta and Beowolf (what? I was an English Major. It is a requirement to see all big-budget pop culture interpretations of Old English poems), but that is two movies in like the last five years. Now there is something like five IMAX 3D movies coming out in 2010, only one of which has to do with science.

But, the IMAX 3D (am I the only one that must yell that in my head everytime I read it? Say it with me: IMAX 3D!!!) revolution doesn't end there. IMAX, Discovery, and Sony are creating an entirely 3D television channel. Here's a thought for y'all: If everyone comes out of the theater saying "Oh, pretty!" but also slightly cross-eyed because those flimsy lenses have given them a headache, you better focus on improving the delivery method before you go and greenlight Jersey Shore 2 and that Jennifer Anniston rom-com in IMAX 3D(!!!).

But back to the topic at hand.

Not only did James Cameron not come up with a good name for the ore that will be the end of Fern Gully in Space, or a reason why they are mining it, as many, many, many people have pointed out (I like this one best) he didn't really come up with a script either.

But beyond the post-colonial "white dude is hot for princess, realizes his culture is wack, must save her community of bad-ass warriors with a combo of their bad-ass warrior training, giant beasts and some guns" story, the movie has also been identified as a blockbuster commentary on war.

I disagree.

The commentary is not so much in opposition to war or racism or genocide as is against government contracting. It is not the military that we are set up to hate and told to root against, instead it is a private corporation seeking profits (with the help of some ex-Marines to be sure). And that reminds me of another movie: District 9.

Sure, lots of people compared the two because "white dude becomes alien", but that bit of the storyline is not so much similar as it is mirrored. Avatar functions within the framework of imperialism and environmentalism. District 9 functions within the the framework of immigration, segregation and apartheid. In Avatar "we" invade "them." In District 9, "they" get stuck with "us." In Avatar "we" want to become "them." In District 9 "we" must live out our Kafkaesque nightmare incarnate and become "them." In Avatar, "we" help "them" defeat "us" and evict the imperialists because "we" realize "we" were wrong. In District 9, "we" help "them" defeat "us," but only because it will save our own ass. In District 9 our hero uses a giant walking robot exoskeleton to save the day by killing the biggest, most racist asshole. In Avatar our hero defeats the biggest, most racist asshole who is using a giant walking robot exoskeleton, to save the day.

However, in both cases, the assholes in question are not active military or politicians, they are employees of government contractors who act as hired thugs to control a population and gain resources, whether it is better weapons or a better source of energy. In District 9, even the highly-problematic Nigerians are doing the same thing that the company is doing: trying to profit off of the violent power of alien technology.

Which, if we are going to precise, military contracting isn't really something unique to our era of post-colonial white guilt. Columbus and his hand-amputating crew? Not a part of the Spanish Armada. Nope, instead they're the 15th century version of independent contractors. Licensed by the state to go do its dirty work and bring back the spoils.

However, I think District 9 achieves this commentary far better than Avatar does. In Avatar the technology gets in the way of the story (oh, I get it these guys are Blackwater Xe and - ooooooooh! pretty!) where as in District 9, the CGI is integrated into the story seamlessly (minus the ship). Also, every bit of the movie is dirty and messy - and not only because the "other" in Avatar is hot, while in District 9 they are made to look like crustaceans. In District 9 there isn't a single character we actually like and who has pure goals (excepting, perhaps, the child alien). In Avatar the dichotomy of the dumb, exploitative humans, and knowledgeable, pure Other is cut and dry. In District 9, the aliens are portrayed as violent and incompetent, both in our world and in theirs (my husband has a theory as to why they got stuck on the planet with no knowledge of escape: they were the oppressed class in their world, too. Perhaps that is a slave ship hovering above Johannesburg?)

District 9 also better achieves the commentary because it doesn't have the one actress of color with a speaking role of more than two lines playing the tough-as-nails Latina who evidently finds the alien planet much hotter than the rest of her colleagues and therefore must cut her tank top for breathing room. Or Sigourney Weaver's avatar in that weird Stanford crop tank top, for that matter. But then, at least they aren't straddling motorcycles.

But, here is the main difference between the two movies: District 9 does not end happily for our hero. He is transformed completely to the Other and must wait for years living among the community he despised for rescue that may or may not come. Avatar however ends with a victory over the oppressors who are evicted from the planet.

Unfortunately, you cannot have a true and useful commentary on the evils of greed and violence with a fairytale ending. Jake Sully and his new found friends have succeeded in winning one battle, not the war. Sure, they are off the hook for about six years or so, but if "unobtanium" is so damn awesome, there will be new folks that come to take it.

But does this mean I hated the movies? Nah. I mean Avatar is very pretty. And we don't have to watch creepy CGI mouths anymore - hopefully. District 9 certainly made the viewer, who came for a sci-fi shoot 'em up, leave uncomfortably thinking about what they saw. It also is one of the few blockbusters with a giant US marketing campaign that takes place in a culture that is not American. Trust me, a lot of references went over my and lot of US viewers heads. Will that make them think? Once can hope - after all, they pissed off the radical conservatives so they must be doing something right.

Regardless if it is the same story told over and over again, by someone who has inherited the privileges of a history of oppression (all billions of dollars of it), obviously we need to keep telling the story since lots of us haven't learned the lesson. It would be great if those billions of dollars were funneled to directors, writers and actors who have a different story from a different perspective to be told. And, it would be infinitely better if those billions of dollars were spent on things that might actually put an end to and rectify the the violence and oppression they are commenting on...but this is hollywood - ooh, pretty!

Your Friday Awesome: Ladies Who Rock

Can I just say how awesome it is that Kristin Stewart's next role will be one in which she plays someone full of agency? I can? Good. It's awesome.

I am not so excited by the fact that she looks just like, well, Kristin Stewart - with a shag. Though Dakota Fanning looks awesome.

Oh, and speaking of ladies who rock:



I especially like the puppy and the leaf fight.

Your Friday Awesome: Gabby Sidibe

Precious is one of those movies I really want to see, but am afraid to. It will be amazing, but heart-wrenching and exhausting - because it is only partly fiction. Today the trailer made be cry before 9:00 in the morning, which is why I was really glad Julie Z. gave us this unicorn chaser:



I'm pretty sure that Gabby and Ellen are my two favorite entertainers now. Their joy, wit and humor is awesome.

Where the Wild Things Are

Spoiler Alert

All of the hullabaloo about how Where the Wild Things Are is too scary for kids seems to have missed one key factor: it is far more boring than it is scary. During the showing we went to there were about six kids from about ages 6 to 10 sitting near us and by the time it got to the really violent sequences none of the kids were even looking at the screen because they (like me) had lost interest about five minutes after Max reached the island.

I am part of the multiple generations that grew up on the illustrations of Maurice Sendak. Granted we all remember the illustrations more than the story, and they did sort of terrify me, but I was still really excited to see it come to life. My husband and I were lucky enough to get to explore the Where the Wild Things Are exhibit at the Sony Metreon back in 2002. We were the only people there and made quite the rumpus because they really got it right - right down to the shading on the palm trees.

I was particularly excited for the movie because it was costumes and not CGI (at least mostly) - and in that aspect it certainly did not disappoint. But if all a movie has to offer is aesthetics you only really need to watch the trailer, which had all of the most visually appealing snippets, anyway.

As Jezebel noted, the book is short - really short. The part that has etched itself in our cultural memory is the illustrations (what the Metreon exhibit got oh-so right). So, maybe pretty landscapes and neat costumes are all we should expect. Unfortunately, however, I think the movie doesn't just not get the book right, it does it - and it's viewers - a disservice.

The sections that have been deemed too scary for kids are not scary because of the terrible teeth and claws. They are scary because Jonze and Eggers could not decide who the wild things were. Sendak based them on his foreign adult relatives (which is a whole other problem to dissect), but in the movie they are sometimes adults with romantic relationships and sometimes whiny children with hurt feelings.

Sure, part of the process of growing up is realizing that adults usually are whiny children with hurt feelings, but in this case those adults enact an abusive relationship. The wild things' size, knowledge of the island, and interpersonal relationships position them as adults through most of the film (as do their names typical of a generation older than Max), and while Max once or twice growls them into submission, he spends most of the movie watching them physically and emotionally hurt one another with the fear that they will harm him.

Then of course there is the infamous line, "I'll eat you up I love you so." The only emotion we have had up until that point is anger and insecurity, so what has come to be a marker of the movie's "take away" (that we love our children even if we must discipline them? That we love them despite their sometimes justified though inappropriately enacted anger? Your guess is as good as mine) is not actually in the movie. In perhaps the most disturbing and strange and wtf!?! moment in modern cinema, the character (KW) that says it does in fact eat him up in order to protect him.

But, if we decide to go with it as a metaphor based on the movie until that point, then it seems the lesson we are supposed to take away is that maternal figures (who KW is positioned as) will do anything to protect their child from an abusive father figure (Carol). Moreover, that kind of love is smothering since Max can't breathe and is pulled out covered in bile and spit, though the raccoon who is also hanging out there seems to be fine. Told you it was weird.

But again, the most disappointing part was that it was just plain boring. Once you have seen the costumes, learned that war games always end in tears, and watched the wild things whine and lose their tempers and hurt each others feelings in the exact same way five times, your mind wanders: In my husband's case, about the mother's agonizing worry over her child running away (the only part that diverged from the ten sentences of text, and the only part Sendak did not particularly like) and my related concern that Max must have been starving.

Of course Sendak seems to be really happy with the Jonze/Eggers interpretation of his beloved book, so maybe I should just "go to hell" and go see that other childrens book they have taken liberties with. But, I can't remember ever wanting to leave a movie half way through simply because I was bored. Nor have I left a movie disturbed by strange (lack-of) character development (no, more snow and dirt clod fights, but we can still throw rocks at owls?), and upset that I had just wasted all that time sitting there, since even crappy action movies keep your attention. Sadly, the only redeeming factor of the viewing was that we patronized our local historic theater.

Image via JSYK.

All I Will Say About Roman Polanski

One year after Roman Polanski went on the run he said this:

“If I had killed somebody, it wouldn’t have had so much appeal to the press, you see? But… f—ing, you see, and the young girls. Judges want to f— young girls. Juries want to f— young girls. Everyone wants to f— young girls!”

Any excuses as to how old he thought the girl was, etc., etc., etc., are moot for many reasons. But this...this quote should disassemble any apologist arguments for two very simple reasons:

1. Polanski admits that he "wants to fuck young girls" and attempts to normalize it.

2. He knows that rape is a crime, and compares the act to a crime as violent and serious as murder.

Hollywood, and the entertainment industry in general, survives on the sexual exploitation of women - particularly young women. Polanski is at once the symptom and cause of the system, but what is so gut-wrenching is that he admits it unapologetically.

And to those who say his "art" somehow places him outside the confines of human decency, I have this to say: Rosemary's Baby and Repulsion are only classics because they have become historical documents that embody the fear of feminist liberation and the attempts to control women, whether through religion, economics, body image, or the threat of rape. The movies are creepfests, and now we have a better understanding of why.

Gabby Sidibe - I'm Awesome

Here is your quote of the day:

"They try to paint the picture that I was this downtrodden, ugly girl who was unpopular in school and in life, and then I got this role and now I'm awesome. But the truth is that I've been awesome, and then I got this role."—Gabby Sidibe, the star of Precious

Via Shakesville.

Megan Fox , Megan Fox, Megan Fox

Did I ever think I would write a blog post in defense of Megan Fox?

Nope.

But the interwebs are full of a special kind of misogyny today. Thanks to Asylum, AOL's men's lifestyle site - yeah I didn't know they were still around either, or that they needed to expand into "men's lifestyle" - August 4th has been declared A Day Without Megan Fox.

That's right, the very same dudes (and some ladies) that couldn't get enough of her are now saying they have given too many pixels to her. Even Reuters has gotten in on the act. But don't think for a second that they have had an epiphany about media overexposure, exploitation, voyeurism or the invasion of privacy. Nope, they just want to make sure they don't exhaust their page views too soon, "Sure she’s one of the sexiest young female actors, but in order to preserve both her sexiness and her freshness, we need to tone down the over foxposure."

So don't worry. Images of Fox will continue to grace the computer screens, but in the meantime these sites are suggesting nominees for "the next Megan Fox." It is so nice of them to point out how contrived and constructed celebrity is. According to these bastions of intelligent thought, Megan Fox is the poor man's Angelia Jolie and Odette Yustman is the poor man's Megan Fox. So, I get it. Women cannot be just themselves - or even a whole person - unless they are Angelina Jolie. Unfortunately, I'll venture to guess it is not her work with the UN, but rather her embodiment of a video game character, that provides her personhood.

But, does the timing of this "media blackout" seem a bit suspicious to anyone else? It comes on the heels of Fox identifying herself as a feminist and the release of the trailer for Jennifer's Body, a movie in which Fox's character literally eats men and excuses by saying she is not killing people "just boys."

While being aware that as a woman in Hollywood you are "You’re merchandised, you’re a product," is not necessarily a feminist understanding, she is very savvy about Hollywood and how she can capitalize on it. But, who knows, maybe hanging out with Diablo Cody more than Michael Bay will foster her feminist awakening.

Joss Whedon is Going to Make Me Watch a Horror Movie

I've already told you that I think Joss Whedon is the most awesome writer/director around. If you don't know that already, watch this clip of him accepting an award from Equality Now and discussing why he writes strong female characters. Seriously, discussing misogyny while getting an award from Equality Now, from Meryl Streep. Awesome:



To be honest, I was a little concerned about Dollhouse for a while, but I should have known better. The message is a bit more subtle, but then you can't really hit viewers over the head with anti-patriarchy messages all the time or your shit gets canceled (See: Firefly).

But, it looks like JW is returning to camptastic awesomeness with a horror film due to come out in 2010 - and this is just one of the posters:


All three are pretty fantastic, but this one is perhaps the best horror movie poster ever created, which is why I will need to see this movie.

The problem is I don't like horror movies. For weeks after watching Shawn of the Dead I was sure my boyfriend was trying to eat my face off, every time he went in for a kiss. But I'm trusting that the amazingness of this movie will be worth all the heart palpitations that will follow. Besides, I'm pretty impressed at how damn creepy he made a single shot in the teaser trailer. Turn on your speakers and then go here.

Now I Have to See Harry Potter

I just keep solidifying my nerdiness.

My second post for The Riff, Mother Jones' media and culture blog, is up. In it I use the term Muggle, not once, but twice. But hey, people are being spurred to do more than buy Hogwarts branded stuff, so I thought they deserved a shout out.

Speaking of shout outs...Amanda at Pandagon has a really interesting post about why the books should have been turned into a TV series instead of movies. Maybe if they had, the ridiculously long quidditch scenes wouldn't annoy me so much.

Summer Blockbusters Kind of Suck

Let's review the summer blockbuster movies I have seen thus far in 2009:

...Warning: Spoiler Alert...
(They're all sequels!)

Terminator Salvation
Besides Christian Bale continuing his creepy, raspy Batman voice and that he seems to have an anger problem, the writers probably could have benefited from a Screenwriting 101 refresher course. Yes, it is science fiction and we need to suspend our disbelief, but come on now, you have just discovered a way to bring down the robots easily and with little chance of the few humans left on earth dying, but when one (that you have been torturing) escapes, instead of using the terminator version of a dog whistle you decide to pull out every helicopter and all the firepower you can muster to bring him down? That just seems dumb.

Also, in the future you can do a heart transplant in the middle of the desert? Yeah, that camo netting will act as a great barrier, and it's not like John Connor would be so wimpy he might reject an organ. Evidently this was an alternative ending that the production company decided to go with since the first one had robodude cutting off our hero's face and posing as him for the rest of eternity. Frankly, I would have been more willing to buy that, too bad other people had already thought of it.

One other thing: our hero who is destined to save all of humanity has a very pregnant wife throughout the entire movie. She even manages to find cute little skinny belts to wear above her belly to show it off. And yet, NOTHING HAPPENS. This is a movie about the end of the world with ridiculous plot points added in to make for more action and yet nothing happens to the lady that is eight months pregnant. Why then is she pregnant? So that we know our hero is virile, too? Probably. I mean he does kill that totally phallic robot to save her. I do have to concede though if anyone is going to do a heart transplant in the middle of the desert its pretty awesome that the one to do it is also eight months pregnant. For that I might forgive the ubiquitous end of the world tight leather get ups and perfect hair. Just don't get me started on the fake Governator.

Wolverine
Yay! Comic book origin story! Now those of us that like watching movies about comic books don't actually have to read them to figure out why Wolverine is so cranky and forgetful, whew!

Since this is an origin story, we have 2 hours of Logan becoming Wolverine, but you only have ONE moment where the hero becomes the superhero. No, not the scene of him in the pool of water surrounded by military officers and "scientists" in an underground lair (is this really the only way to do it?). No, the scene where the character explores and accepts their new abilities and decides to take them on to avenge/save people. Too bad this had to happen in the bathroom, because that lighting really did a number on that Adamantium. Psst! I think you for got a couple of layers of rendering!

Star Trek
Don't let the lack of colon fool you, if you were born before 1990 you know that this is a sequel. As movie blockbusters go, this one was pretty damn exciting - explosions, more explosions, well choreographed fight scenes, and lots of awesomely punny and campy humor. As for the rest, I couldn't have been disappointed because I wasn't expecting much. This is the James T. Kirk era of Star Trek after all, creepy womanizing is his bag. However, baby Kirk wasn't at all creepy, compared with that Uhura/Spock action. Not to mention I was waiting for Spock to go all Sylar and cut someones head off.

Still, that paled in comparison to why they decided to make Spock's mom a wrinkly Winona Ryder. Did they just want those of us at the tail-end of Generation X to feel old? And of course, there are the miniskirts. Okay, they wanted consistency with the swingin' 60's outfits from the original, but since you are playing with the entire time/space continuum I bet you could have come up with some reason as to why female members of Starfleet shouldn't have to freeze their asses off in space.

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen
Michael Bay likes balls. 'Nough said.

* * * * *

So yeah, the summer blockbusters have left us a little high and dry, but really, when have they not? I'd say Pixar made good on Up but, it doesn't count as a blockbuster since it doesn't have explosions. I'm also still perturbed that we can never get a central female character (just pleeeease don't make it a princess), but it still made me bawl like a baby. Even that damn short that ran before it did me in.

If I haven't already solidified my dorkiness, I am pretty sure this is the first Harry Potter movie I haven't seen the day it opened - and not just because the ad folks continue to whittle away at Emma Watson's waistline. Don't get me wrong, I'm still going to go see it, but I am a firm believer that Harry Potter movies should only come out in the fall. If a movie revolves around school, it should happen when school is in session. In the past, I have always eschewed the midnight showing for the one the next day after work, because then I get so see all the kids (not the fanboys) come out of the previous showing in their costumes. But, when the movies come out in the summer, all the kids have already gone during the day since they don't have to wait for school to get out, and wearing a Giffindor scarf and robes during July is pretty uncomfortable.

Of course I probably will be disappointed, but now that movie tickets are $10.50 I feel like I can only justify going to the movies to watch explosions, special effects and 3D, since your run of the mill romantic/drama/comedy is still just a romantic/drama/comedy no matter how big the screen is.